Titanic Post

From P.S. A Column On Things

Two boys in Boston were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog’s collar and twisted it, breaking the dog’s neck. A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline, “Brave Young Red Sox Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal”

“But I’m not a Red Sox fan,” the little hero interjected. “Sorry” replied the reporter. “But since we’re in Boston, Mass, I just assumed you were.” Hitting the delete key the reporter began, “John Kerry Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack”

“But I’m not a Kerry fan either,” the boy responds. The reporter says, “I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Red Sox or Kerry or Kennedy. What team or person do you like? ” “I’m a Texas Ranger fan, and I really like George W. Bush,” the boy says.

Hitting the delete key the reporter begins again, “Arrogant Little Conservative Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet”

MANITOBA HERALD*, CANADA - The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t even get a chance to show him my screenplay.” . . .

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. “I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said.

*Probably not from the Manitoba Herald, Canada, since that esteemed organ ceased publication in 1877.

Lately, I’ve been working on my much neglected KLR650 and am now neglecting the V-Strom. Although having two motorcycles in the garage sounds enticing, polygamy is not as easy as you may think. The V-Strom, the newest addition to my family, has been the focus of most of my attention as far as material things go.

I have never thought much about polygamy, at least in the sense of how problematic it could be in practice. In theory, according to the scientific viewpoint, when you are with one, you are not with the other. Metaphysically, I suppose you could be with both at the same time. I do know that you can’t ride two motorcycles at once. Hmmm, I wonder where this metaphor is taking me? (more…)

If you stare at this picture long enough, you will see a camel.

Have a nice day!