Soccer At Last
Soccer isn’t very popular in the United States, but then nothing European is popular here. We don’t like foreigners, or dark skinned people, and anything to do with sex. Foreigners are often dark skinned and don’t adhere to proper sexual suppression. We don’t like the French because they didn’t join our war in Iraq. We don’t like the Germans for the same reason, although they have over 2000 troops in Afghanistan helping us protect the heroin trade.
I think that we Americans have a deeply disturbing fear of anything foreign. It may be genetic like our inability to understand the metric system or the inability of some foreigners to fully appreciate our true greatness. Another problem is that we don’t know where all these countries are and that makes us uneasy. In the qualification games for the World Cup we protested having to play two countries at the same time when we where scheduled to play Trinidad and Tobega.
Soccer has always been associated with immigrants and Europeans and enjoyed here mostly by yuppie liberals and small kids. Soccer is global and bilateral and thought to be a front organization for a “one world government.” Our American sports, football, baseball, and basketball, are unilateral just like our invasion of Iraq.
Conservatives more than liberals are suspicious of soccer, preferring NASCAR type events that have more opportunity to advertise and engage the oil and auto industries. Jack Kemp, a former gridiron player and the Republican candidate for the vice-presidency in 1996, opposed a 1986 plan for the US to host the World Cup. “I think it is important for all those young out there, who some day hope to play real football, where you throw it and kick it and run with it and put it in your hands, a distinction should be made that football is democratic, capitalism, whereas soccer is a European socialist sport,” he said. No one listened and the games were held here in 1994.
Soccer, a game actually played among the world’s nations, is often said to be is a metaphor for international war, (Honduras and El Salvador did go to war over a soccer game in 1969.) Here in the US, war functions as a metaphor for international sport. In South America the Brazilian national team at play is a metaphor for dance.

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